i'm sitting in my room listening to john mayer 'dreaming with a broken heart' and anyone who knows me knows that john mayer is definitely my sad music. which must mean that i'm in a funky mood or am thinking about something and am inevitably trying to make myself more depressed. i went to church today because it was my first sunday back from college for break. it was a good service everything was good. from the singing to the message. i love going to my church its amazing the feeling you get just from being around the people that you love...
i am currently praying for the healing of the heart that can only come from God above. i have been broken for the past semester and God is the only one who can get me back together again. i spent most of this past semester looking for love from other sources that couldn't come close to the love that God has been ready willing and waiting to give me. i have been running from him looking to others because i thought that they could fill me but they only let me more empty than i was when i came to them. i had a 'friend' for about a month of the fall semester. we had good times and loads of good conversation but i was looking to him for something that he could never give me. total fulfillment and i jumped into the relationship with my eyes shut and ignoring any sign that would tell me otherwise.
i have come to realize that real love and true love can only come from God in heaven and if you are lucky here on earth God will send you a man or woman after His own heart who he has ordained to be with you and love you. i used to cry at night and wonder why i had no one to call my own but i have to remember that God is giving me this time to work on myself and to become the best woman for the man that He has in store for me. i have to keep believing that and keep praying for him to send that person into my life when he sees fit. because in everything God's timing is perfect and every good and perfect gift even a boyfriend, even a husband, even a friend comes from the Lord!
Love April May June.